Life update: I’m a teacher now- why? how? still unsure.
Disclaimer: For legal and financial reasons I’ve chosen to (have to) keep this blog anonymous (school/ kids/ food in the lunch room) so that none of you try to sue me for all that I have, aka a nice couch and a lot of thrift store clothing. With that being said, let me reintroduce myself:
For the past seven years I’ve been working within the TV/ Film production world producing, editing and doing camera work. During that time I started my own Digital Marketing company, wrote the wrong person’s name on my heart a few times, traveled the world, joined a roller derby team, gained an extra chin, shaved my head twice, worked in the music industry, obtained two degrees, became softer (emotionally and physically) and discovered I’m a really good drinker. Since turning 26 I’ve learned the EXTREME importance of having a job that provides health insurance which is ultimately what led me to accept a teaching position. During my time I college I was a High School tennis coach and a TA for upper level production and film theory courses but even then, I never considered teaching. The new “ultimate” goal of this blog is to document what it’s actually like being a teacher but it might also (most likely) just end up being about my life so one day my nieces think I’m cool.
P.S. – Since teaching HARDLY pays the bills, I still actively maintain my own business and work for a local cable channel.
What I’ve learned so far
- The moment you show an ounce of weakness these kids will EAT YOU ALIVE
- Everyone prays to Fortnite
- If you wear the same pants two days in a row EVERYONE NOTICES
- Kids don’t want to be yelled at – find other ways and you’ll gain their respect
- #4 needs to be taken lightly, I still have to yell a lot
- Shake kids hands when you talk to them one-on-one, it makes them feel important and the world needs them to feel that
- Laugh at kids when they do something funny, it’ll be ok
To Be Noted
- During the second week of school there was a squirrel who would make daily appearances in my classroom to eat my snacks and scare children- he has been caught
- My best “work friend” is the janitor and my room is always the cleanest
- My second best “work friend” are the ladies in the cafeteria, I’m never hungry
A “Normal” School Day
Another Disclaimer: My class schedule changes daily except for my first two classes. I teach technology.
7:40 am- Run into school 10 minutes late (always) while trying my best not to knock over the 5-7 morning latchkey kids who wait outside my classroom door eager to give me hugs, take my breakfast and remind me that I am late.
7:45 am- Walk each of those 5-7 kids to their classrooms convincing them they cannot “hang out” in my room all day and play fortnite.
7:55 am- Pace the hallway outside my classroom telling everyone to walk and to have a good day. Most of them try not to smile, but I know they want to.
8:25 am- My first class of the day arrives which is always kindergarten. KINDERGARTEN. Twenty-three little people get dropped off to my room and we start the class with deep breathing and self-affirmations, usually it’s “I am important!” or “today will be a good day!” but I switch it up depending on their moods. This is always followed by a quick dance party then it’s onto the computers to try to type the alphabet- we’re almost there.
9:25 am- Eighth graders arrive at my door and I am reminded that this job is hard. I usually spend the first 5-10 minutes of class separating students who are arguing/ yelling/ crying or SUPER angry for one reason or another while making sure the others are doing their daily class routine (ie. Google Classroom questions and TypingClub). The first 20 minutes of my upper classes are always “Code Red” (silent work) but they test that daily, which is fine. By 9:40 they realize they fucked up the first 10 minutes and make up for it the second 10. After this it’s always smooth sailing.
10:30 am- A fifth grade class arrives with attitudes that can hardly fit thru the door. I wait five minutes and walk around looking at the tabs open on their computers- on any given day I kick 5 kids in this class off for playing games instead of working and make them write a self-reflection papers with a golf pencil (which is the only type of pencil I have). They yell, I ask them if they know what they did wrong, they yell louder, I yell – they accept their fate.
11:20 am- Search for a fork
12:05 pm- A third grade class enters my room with food all over their hands because they just came from lunch. I take 32 kids to a bathroom that has two sinks where I spend half of the class telling them not to play with the water and to use soap. We all get into the classroom, I am two computers and four chairs short. We play rock-paper-scissors to see who doesn’t get to use the computers this week- they cry.
12:55 pm- Second grade enters, this week they are really into fart noises and we get nothing done.
1:45 pm- My last class of the day enters, it’s first grade. I ask them what my favorite word is (we’ve been going over this for the past 4 weeks) they yell out, “Dog!, Lunch!, Raise your hand!, Quiet!, Weekend!…” I tell them it’s respect, they’re surprised but I’m confused because they all listed my favorite things. All of the sudden a kid runs out of my room holding his butt, he has pooped his pants. Class ends.
2:30 pm- This is my prep time but by this point I’m so mentally drained that I usually just end up reading or thinking about what I’m going to eat for dinner.
4 pm- Run to car
Life
Over the past month (besides teaching) I’ve started taking improv classes again, moved to the most “queer” friendly city in my state, had both of my closest friends move an hour away in opposite directions, moved my sister to Denver, went on a mini-tour with the artist I work with to Ohio and Indiana, contemplated which internet to get for my house (still don’t have internet) and have been trying to decide on somewhere to move to next year.
To be noted: This blog will eventually be weekly with in-depth stories of my teaching and life failures/ occasional wins.
Dear Teacher 