This week I ate my 43^rd lifetime burger, I can practically hear the cow mooing from inside of me. I used to view restaurants as life’s biggest luxury but now that I don’t have a tailor on speed dial, my vote has shifted to purified water.

Grab Tissues- The videographer position on all Holland America ships has been cut until further notice. Someone filmed something “inappropriate” and they decided to investigate so now I have to stay a photographer. I despise taking pictures of humans so hopefully they bring the position back before I get a door and float to shore.

We had a crew party Tuesday that went as well as a sixth grade dance. Even with free beer it was unbearable to be within ten feet of the entrance. I opted out and played darts where I found the only other 6 Americans onboard the ship. Most people have terrible connotations about Americans and hate everything about us.  89% of our guests are from the States and they leave their brains on land so it’s hard to make up for all of them. I used foot scrub on my face twice last week so I’m not helping our case too much.

There have been a lot of older guests onboard since the Alaskan season is coming to an end. We ran out of prune juice within the first two days and the air was of a stale scent. One of them also hit me in the face with a selfie-stick then verbally abused me for trying to “interrupt their greatness” – excuse the fuck outta me.

Someone “allegedly” fell overboard last week; they are alive. Someone then fell into a flower pot; they are also alive.

I discovered Corona is only 75 cents in the crew bar so I have been single handedly supporting Mexico’s economy- sorry Donald Trump. Catch y’all next week.