I’m the happiest while wearing new socks and this week has been nothing but that. Sunday I started an 8-month photographer/ videographer contact with Ocean Images on Holland America Cruise Ships. All this really means is that I avoided my going away parties and bought a whole new wardrobe. I’ve been involved in countless contracts throughout my life (Disney, Sprint, AmeriCorps…) but I’ve only ever completed one successfully. However, this job makes my bed, feeds me (too much) and does my laundry so I might see this one through.

My journey to the ms Amsterdam started with a plane ride across country next to an elderly woman who smelled of a mobile Bath & Body Works. Being only slightly hung over, I threw up the moment my flight landed due to her nauseating aroma. After I regained composure of my body and ate what would be my last decent slice of pizza, I boarded my second flight and traveled to the Port of Seattle. Once there, my ship was easily found due to the dozens of families in matching shirts talking about how excited they were to see Polar Bears. Until September 20^th, I will be repeatedly working on the following 7-Day cruise.

After September 20^th, the ship will begin a 50-day Mediterranean Cruise followed by a 131-day World Journey but I’m not sure if I will be relocated or not.

On any day that we are docked at a Port (Juneau, Sitka, Ketchikan) I work three hours in the morning then have the rest of the day (until departure) to explore the port as well. In Alaska, only American crew members are able to work on land.

Work Life

Us in the photo department are known as the “mosquitos” of the ship. We are everywhere no one wants us and annoying as fuck. This job is perfect for me because I get to be the loud and obnoxious American I have been training my whole life to be. Turns out, children and Chinese women are really into it.

I work closely with 5 other people:

Vladi- Gym rat, loves watches, loves money.

Ruhan-  Romania, 20 year career in a heavy metal band, knows 9 languages.

Valeria- Ukraine, married to Roohan, classical Violinist.

Nicolette- New Jersey, foodie, obsesses over one different thing a day.

Lauren- England, loves diamonds, committed to personal hygiene.

I usually work 10 hour days shooting portraits in various studios, working in a gallery, or having guests stand next to people in animal costumes.

Ship Life

On the ship I live in a windowless box the size of a maximum security prison cell.  I share this small container with a gal name Zuzanna (Polish) and her boyfriend Jon (Filipino). They refer to each other as “Husband” and “Wife” so I play the unwanted step-child role in this living situation. I walked in on a PG-13 event three days ago and have received donuts every morning since.

For meals I am allowed to eat anywhere guests do- I found a burrito bar halfway through the week and have been giving it hell ever since. Living in a place where there is always a working buffet sounds like a dream but it’s really just a terrible prank. I’ve 100% already said goodbye to all fitness goals.

There is one bar on the ship for crew- they serve only beer and wine since liquor is strictly banned. We’re also never supposed to blow over a .08 but I’ve seen a lot of medically concerning behavior this week so it’s more of a scare tactic. It might also be a way for them to control population growth within crew. Everyone here has a “ship boyfriend” and they all get more than their recommended dose of daily cardio as it is.

The Internet is 10 cents a minute and I go thru 2 different times zones a week but yes, I would still love to skype you.

I’ll post picture next time, THAT’S ALL.