Last Friday there was an Art Show by our hotel filled with a bunch of pretentious people in visors. I still don’t understand the correlation between art and visors- makes no damn sense. Although my broke-ass will never be able to afford any piece of art that I drool over, I got to have a drink in my hand while roaming the streets which is like a gift from baby Jesus himself. I even got to use a Pot-a-John that had carpet in it, they fancy ‘round here. In other news, the KC Royals finally got their heads out of their asses and started playing some good baseball. The Tigers and the Royals played the biggest game in Royals history in the last 25 years (apparently) this night. I watched it on a huge screen in the middle of “Royals Nation” on a curb, by myself, as I screamed for every run we (the Tigers) got on them. We won 10-1. I made a lot of friends this night and only walked away with one death threat. I consider this an uneventful night.

Saturday morning my team and I got roped into helping a church have a clothes giveaway for the community. We got some bomb-ass bisques’ for our participation and I snagged a Carhartt outta the deal. We did a lot of sitting and yelling- two of my favorite things early in the morning. After this I engaged in moderate day drinking with Gaugin and Dwight. I squired lemon in my eye, spilled ice down my shirt, and got lost. I think I was being told to go back to Church but I’ll just keep ignoring it- I’ve made it this far. Penn State, The Tigers, and Florida State all won this day and everyone was happy, so we obviously ate BBQ. I had been hearing about this place since we arrived at KC. We pulled up and 1. It was at a gas station, 2. The line was wrapped around the building, and 3. It was in Kansas. I thought the food was mediocre; all I tasted was BBQ sauce so I’m going to stick with Mexican Food. Later that night the boys and I went back out to drink the devils juice where we met an old man with “Blow Me” tattooed on his stomach. It was a great ending to the day.

I don’t recall anything that happened on Sunday except I got honked at by a car while walking. I despise being honked at when the car is the one who’s doing something wrong. I could be listening to Kids Bop, walking with a kid dressed as a Care Bear, and I will still flip my shit.

The work week was pretty unstimulating per-usual. We had a fire drill on Tuesday where I found and ate candy when I was supposed to be making sure the building was clear. My father is trying to persuade me to go to law-school which I don’t understand at all. I’d much rather poke my eyeballs out and replace them with grapes then ever consider going into law.

It was a more than average hump day though to say the least. It started out with Chipotle for lunch then I shaved my head (literally). Thank god my mom rotated me when I was a sleeping baby because it is very nicely shaped. There has been a growing urge deep inside me for a while to do this and I finally took the plunge- very liberating experience. I figured I’m probably never going to have a better time to be bald then now since I’m not trying to find friends or a man. I’m donating it all to Locks of Love, so hopefully it will make someone very happy. Things I’ve noticed since becoming bald: 1. the world is a colder place when there’s no insulation on top 2. people are more intimidated by me 3. it takes a lot less time to shower 4. people like to touch my head 5. all of the sudden everyone wants to give me a nickname.

Thursday we had a mock Joint Information Center set up in the office where FEMA Corps members (me) had multiple personalities and pretended to be survivors for the FEMA employees to practice with. JICs are set up after a disaster happens and survivors go there to register for assistance, try to apply for loans, and receive help. I was first a 32 year old married broad named Christine who had a dead baby and a Pitbull. Then I was Hertha, a 39 year old married woman whose apartment was destroyed and had an attitude problem. I got to yell at people and say things I would normally want to say but hold back because I’ll get fired. It was fun. Dwight, Alex, and I went drinking after work and I dropped a quesadilla that Anita made for me on the floor- it was a tragedy. I went to bed at 9 fully clothed and wearing shoes.

Saturday and Sunday were slow motion. My team and I went on an amazing hike, attended an improv show, and drank about our problems. I hope to do improv one day; I’d love to start making an ass of myself on-stage again. I also made friends with two homeless people- their names are Donna and Cliff. I watched their crates today as they both ran away to the bathroom. I think we’re gonna get matching tattoos this week, we’ll see.