Monday I woke up to the smoke detector screaming above me 7 a.m. Emily decided to go Chef Ramsay on our asses in an attempt to cook French Toast for the first time. I’m not a fan of breakfast food so I opted out of consumption but the other taste testers were pleased- she can add chef to her list of possible careers. I’ve been trying to drink 60 oz. of water a day because that’s what my Fit-Bit tells me to do and I apparently listen to its every demand. This has ultimately led to me taking at least one very urgent bathroom break an hour. It’s a really confusing time for me because my bladder infection makes me think I always have to pee but sometimes it’s just a cruel trick. I have to say I do feel really accomplished at the end of the day when it’s clear- just sayin’.

I set up a classroom for a training but didn’t do shit else this day. I spent a good portion of the afternoon trying to learn how to beatbox which just lead to me making weird faces and fart noises according to Anita. Needless to say, I probably don’t have a future with this but Anita very much wants me to continue practicing so she has shit to laugh at all day. I might oblige.

After work the team and I took a trip to Target which quickly lead to pure whole-hearted devastation. There are two things I have beef with in this world: 1. Being broke 2. When places are out of hummus. YOU HAD ONE JOB TARGET. I think that our relationship will take a hit but what relationship doesn’t I guess, we can only grow from here. Or so they say.

Kansas City’s weather is nowhere near as bi-polar as Michigan’s but we had a cold front happening this day that I forgot about. My dumbass walked all the way to the gym in shorts and a t-shirt, I felt and looked like an idiot. To add to it, when I got to the gym my brain was trying to thaw (or so I’d like to think) and I placed my lock on the wrong locker. I apparently wanted a random lady’s Coach purse to stay safe and for my laptop to potentially receive a new home. I’ve always been a self-proclaimed Good Samaritan and now I have proof to back it up.

5 a.m. Tuesday morning I let a random-ass douche lord into my room on accident. I thought he was one of my teammates who got locked out of theirs and was trying to crash on the floor. Boy was I mistaken. After he walked in and I realized we both didn’t know each other, he quickly exited. There’s a special place in hell for anyone who interrupts my slumber that early in the morning, let alone someone who could have shanked me.

I didn’t do anything of importance at work (surprise!) except watch the 2013 Golden Globes, the 2014 VMAs, and determine that Judge Judy should be President of the United States. Ponder it, support it, and make it happen. For dinner Alex cooked hot dogs on the stove using no water in the pan- I was flabbergasted.

Wednesday I woke up and decided I needed to create a Cragislist add looking for a person to sponsor my life travels and dreams. Still haven’t gotten any hits but I’m keeping the faith. I’m proud to say that on this day I watched all the music videos released and published on freeonsmash.com (free advertisement, pay me) from September 1- September 17th. Employee of the year right here ladies and gentleman- getting thing done for America. I feel I should tell you that Soulja Boy is back in action and making music again, his latest hit “Soulja Soulja” proves that you don’t have to rap on beat to be a rapper. Who knew.

During lunch Anita, Jeanean, and I had a heated debate on whether getting shot in both lungs would kill you or not. Our verdict was that if they were both collapsed you’d (obviously) die. I got that win for my 12th grade Anatomy teacher and the children of America- shout out to Mrs. Sarge. Our next topic was Shemar Moore and Jeanean practically slid off her chair. For those of you who don’t know who he is- look him up. You’re welcome.

Thursday was irrelevant.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to come after I eat too much food for dinner.