Friday night started off at Harpos like they usually do, but this time everyone came out. This is a rare occurrence because a lot of my teammates suffer from crippling Netflix addictions- sad really. We played the drinking game 15 in which 10 fingers also became involved. I may have learned way too much about these fools, not going to be sharing drink’s with everyone anymore to say the least. There was a man outside running into art tents with his head, he was fun.

Saturday I woke up quick, at about noon and headed to an Art Fair in West Port. I realized a quarter way thru my journey that I had forgotten my headphones, in my bones I knew this walk would get weird. Alas, I came across an old man who was stopped along the sidewalk wearing knee high socks and sandals- great style choice. He looked at me and said, “You have beautiful eyes.” I had just watched House Bunny so I quickly replied, “The eyes are the nipples of the face!” Thank God he didn’t go into cardiac arrest because he turned a ghostly white and took a step back. I didn’t know what else to do but apologize and speed walk away. I hope he’s doing okay somewhere out there.

I don’t fully understand why white people like bearded men and horses so much but the Art Fair had both of those things, I was happy. It was also refreshing to be around a mass amount of hipsters who all think they’re individuals. However, I was confused as to why visors were a prominent accessory; it’s only okay if you’re golfing or over 50. No one had either of those excuses working in their favor. Art Fairs are awesome because if you meet an artist, 8 times out of 10 they’re emotionally unavailable, my favorite. Met a bearded artist named Kale, he likes Spider-Man and marbles- end of list. We’re soul mates. 

Gaugin and John were in West Port too watching the Penn state game, so I met up with them and indulged in a little day drinking- arguably the best kind of drinking. A little girl ran thru my legs in order to get into the bathroom. I’m pretty sure she was about to crap all over her frilly pink dress, glad she made it, it looked expensive. Everyone was in for the night around 9 so I went venturing out by myself. I made the mistake of wandering by a fountain which is apparently where all the underage kids hang out on Saturday nights. There’s no roller rink around here so they work with what they’ve got I guess. I almost had to violate a bush due to the consumption of Mexican food that was too spicy. I’m adding both of these events to the list of things I hope to never do or almost never do again.

Sunday the only things of importance that happened were that I ate Chipotle, fell down the stairs again, and Serena Williams won her 18th title. I was hype.

Here’s to another week of important government work!